Once again, I am back on campus, which is why I haven’t been able to write any updates in a while. Graduate school is mostly going well but I can’t help but feel clueless half the time. A graduate class is only once a week, so much reading, and some strange projects have left me feeling a little helpless. For my first major assignment in graduate school, I needed to make a YouTube video. The assignment sounded simple but, in the end, it got to the point where I recorded my voice on my phone, played it back to my computer, wrapped it all up and said fuck it and uploaded it to YouTube without bothering to listen to it again. The awkwardness of speaking to technology is something that I haven’t gotten over, even talking on a phone doesn’t sit well with me; even knowing that there’s a human on the other end. Maybe carelessly uploading it was not the best decision, but it’s done and that’s what matters. The projects I have now require that I impose on people, making lessons for students and interviewing different people. I definitely feel uncomfortable taking someone out of their way for me, even though everyone I have asked for help has not only helped me, but offered to do so much more than what I asked them to do. I guess I’m just lucky to have some really good friends. I already have some results from the second project handed back in from the friends that helped me out. For the second sociolinguistics project I needed to collect voice clips of American, South African, British and Korean accents and we’re trying to find the stigma behind each accent and the person’s nationality. I am not sure if I should laugh or rethink how I talk entirely after seeing some of the results. Guess which one I am:
Granted, I was speaking clear and firmly, to make sure that they would be able to understand me…or maybe I have a bitch voice to match “my resting bitch face”. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if I sounded overly stern in the voice clip. I have been thinking that I need to calm down a little bit because sometimes I can too particular in certain ways and it comes across in my voice and mannerisms, so I’m not entirely surprised that I was perceived as being unpleasant. I get more unpleasant when I feel overwhelmed or pressured to hang out with people when I feel like I’m too busy. Since starting graduate school, I feel guilty whenever I go hang out with people because, in the back of my mind, I feel like I could be doing homework or grading homework from my students. While I know that graduate school is important, as well as work, it doesn’t have to be my whole life- it just feels like it is lately and I get bothered when someone interferes with my schedule. Maybe it’s time to pick up mediation or something to get a better handle on my stress of being overwhelmed with the new obligations in my life.
Monday-Friday I’m on campus almost all day. Generally it’s 9am to 9pm Monday through Thursday and Friday it’s 10-3. I am enrolled full time in graduate school, working, auditing an undergrad class and tutoring on the side for some additional money. This doesn’t factor in the homework, grading, and research needed for my courses. For work, I’m teaching again but this time it’s college aged students. Teaching adults is definitely different, but I think I’m more suited to teach adults rather than children. I don’t have the fun, enthusiastic personality that is needed for that kind of job. It’s hard to not get burnt out working with children. Each age group has its redeeming qualities; I just think that I enjoy teaching adults more than anything else. Also, I have a lot more freedom of what I teach in class now that I’m teaching older students. There were so many things that I wanted to do in the classroom but there were too many restrictions because I had a syllabus that I needed to follow very strictly.
I just had the thought that I should be doing homework while writing this …and I probably should be.